14 How To Trust Yourself as a Leader

How to Trust Yourself as a Leader | Joyfully Unstoppable

Do you ever find yourself second-guessing your decisions—even though you know what you’re doing?

 You’re not alone. So many high-achieving women struggle with a quiet, persistent lack of self-trust—not because they’re unqualified, but because they’ve spent years prioritizing performance, perfection, and people-pleasing over their own inner knowing.

In this episode of Joyfully Unstoppable, we’re diving deep into:
✨ Why self-trust often erodes in leadership roles
✨ What it really means to honor yourself as a leader
✨ 5 powerful ways to rebuild self-trust from the inside out
✨ How to lead with more confidence, clarity, and calm—without waiting to feel “ready”

Whether you’re navigating a tough decision, battling imposter feelings, or simply tired of outsourcing your voice to everyone else, this episode will help you reconnect with the wisdom you already carry.

Joyfully Unstoppable—helping women reconnect with what matters most.

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Transcript

0:06

Welcome to Joyfully Unstoppable, the podcast for women who are ready to lead boldly, live lightly and reclaim their joy. Whether you're leading a team, a classroom, a boardroom, or your own. Big, beautiful life. I'm so glad you found us. I'm your host, Becky Hamm leadership coach, speaker and founder of Women Lead Well. After years of high level leadership, I discovered that success does not have to come at the cost of your peace, your values, or your wellbeing. Each week, we'll explore what it means to lead with clarity, confidence, and authenticity, even in a world that tells you to hustle harder, improve your worth. You carry a lot. Let's help it feel lighter. My friends, you know the moment, the one I'm about to share. You are in the meeting. You've done the work you've prepared, you have thought out your position and why, the 15 reasons why your position is the one you've taken. And yet it comes time to open your mouth and you hold back. You second guess your idea, or you offer it with disclaimers. Not the 15 reasons why your idea was the right one, but the well and also maybe right. You might even ask someone else to weigh in first, just to be safe. Any of that sound familiar? Mm-hmm. And I wanna be clear. It is not that you don't know what you're doing, it's that somewhere along the way you stopped trusting yourself. If you've ever wondered how to trust yourself as a leader, you are not alone. So many brilliant, capable women quietly question their instincts, hesitate on decisions, and defer their authority, not because they're underqualified. But because they've never been taught to believe in their own voice, that's what we're gonna do today. Friends. Today I want us to explore why self-trust so often erodes in leadership, how it impacts your ability to lead with confidence and clarity, and what it looks like to rebuild that trust from within. So whether you're feeling disconnected from your voice. Or if you simply wanna lead with more ease and alignment. Learning how to trust yourself is a foundational step toward joyful, sustainable, and authentic leadership. Now, before we talk about how to build self-trust, we need to talk about why it is so often missing, especially for women in leadership from a young age. Many of us are taught to prioritize other people's expectations over our own inner wisdom. Be agreeable. Be polite. Don't ruffle any feathers. No, no. Work hard. Earn your place. Play it safe. Right? We, I think everyone listening to this podcast has heard some variant of that, maybe even all of those over the years. And even when we've achieved success, and I say when not if,'cause you are a successful woman. Even when we've achieved success, this early conditioning can lead us to question ourselves sometimes, constantly. And what happens when we've talked about this before, we over-function, we overdeliver, we overthink. All while quietly wondering if we're doing enough, if we are being enough, but not too much, Or if we're leading, quote unquote, the right way. And you add to that, the fact that most of the people living to this podcast live in a culture that rewards performance over presence, perfectionism, over authenticity. It is no surprise that so many women leaders experience a persistent lack of self-trust. But this is called joyfully unstoppable. This is not, here's a problem podcast. It's, here's the good news for you. You can relearn what the world taught you to forget. You can lead from your inner wisdom. You can rebuild trust in yourself, and we're gonna start right now. So maybe you're saying, well, Becky, that sounds great. Love it. Yay. But I don't even know what you're talking about. What does it mean to trust yourself as a leader? Well, let me tell you, let me tell you what it doesn't mean. We're gonna start with what it's not. Trusting yourself does not mean that you never make mistakes. It's that I only trust myself when I get it right. I only trust myself when I'm perfect. That ain't real. Trust. Trusting yourself doesn't mean that you always feel confident or certain or composed. It's not that I only trust myself when I am absolutely convinced of what's going on. Mm-hmm. And trusting yourself definitely doesn't mean that you stop learning from others. That because I trust myself, I don't have to listen to anybody else. That's not trust either. That's arrogance. Self-trust is not arrogant. Self-trust is alignment. When you trust yourself, you make decisions based on your values, not just on approval or fear. You listen to your instincts. You say what needs to be said. Even if you're scared to do it, you hold space for feedback without losing your sense of direction. When you trust yourself, you operate with clarity, not because you're never unsure, but because you know that you can be unsure and safe, unsure and competent all at the same time. You know that you might be unsure, but to quote the amazing Marie Forleo, everything is figureoutable. You trust your ability to figure it out and to ask people when you need help, You don't have to figure it out all by yourself. So let's get some concrete examples. What does self-trust look like? Well, it looks like speaking up in meetings without second guessing your worth or your idea. It means speaking up even if you know someone's gonna disagree with you because your position is valid or you wouldn't hold it. It looks like saying no when something's out of alignment, even when that's hard. Self-trust definitely looks like letting go of perfectionism so you can focus on impact. It looks like taking responsibility without collapsing into shame when things don't go well,'cause hey, we're, this is life. Sometimes things ain't gonna go well. That's okay. Ultimately, learning to trust yourself is about choosing self-respect over self-doubt again and again and again. Okay? So that's what self-trust is. How do I get me some of that? Well, you know, I'm gonna tell you it's not an episode of joyfully Unstoppable if I don't leave you with some practical action steps, right? So. Here are five practices to help you rebuild self-trust with intention and care. Step one, start with awareness. I want you to notice when you distrust yourself, and I'm gonna say quickly here, I want you to notice it with curiosity, not judgment. Where do you tend to shrink or second guess or seek permission for others? Where do you silence your ideas? Water down your truth. Self-trust begins with awareness. Why? Well, because you can't change a pattern you don't recognize. So start by noticing gently, compassionately, without judgment, the places where you've been conditioned to abandon your voice. Maybe to abandon your needs, abandon yourself, So start to identify step one, awareness. Step two. I want you to honor yourself by listening to your inner voice, because the truth is your inner wisdom is still there. It's just been drowned out by noise, by other people's expectations, by those shoulds that live and free in your brain. You should do this, you should want that, right. Comparisons with others, fear, all of that is crowding out your inner wisdom, but your inner wisdom is still there. Rebuilding self-trust means reconnecting with that voice and honoring what it says. And here's some ways you can do,'cause I know that sounds like super woo and vague and, okay, Becky, yay. Love it. But how, okay, so here are a few options. Option one, I want you to take five minutes every day to sit down and just ask yourself, what do I really need right now? And let me have it stack this for you so you know how to work this into your day. It could be that you ask yourself that question every day as you commute to work. So you're on your way into the office and you say, what do I really need right now? Maybe you do this over lunch. You take five minutes during lunch, and part of your lunch while you're eating is you ask yourself, okay, what is, what do I need right now? What does my body need? What does my mind need? What is my little, my inner child like little me? What does she need? Right? What do I need right now? Maybe you do that at the end of the day, you're home from work and you're transitioning to your home life, and you ask yourself, okay, what do I need right now? And look, it does not have to be some big answer. I was coaching a woman one time. I asked her this question, like, what do you need right now? And we were talking about inner child and she laughed and she said, you know, like right now I need a chocolate milkshake. And I said, okay, that's great. Then what I want you to do is as soon as we hang up this call, I want you to go get yourself a chocolate milkshake. Come on. None of the nutritionists come at me. This is not a sugar bad moment. This is a, she asked herself. With curiosity, not judgment. Right now what do I need? And little 7-year-old her answered back chocolate milkshake. So easy, easy win. So what does connecting with that inner wisdom mean? Take five minutes a day habit. Stack it so you do it consistently every day on the commute, in every day, at lunch, every day. When you get whenever, whenever works for you. What do I really need right now? Another thing you can do is journal. So you've got a decision that you are thinking through. You're trying to decide whether to do something or how to do it. Journal the decision. And the goal here is not to get it like quote unquote, right? It's not to maximize or economize or what. No. The goal by journaling about a decision you're facing is to practice listening to yourself. First. Again, that's not to say that you'll never collaborate, that you're not gonna ask others for their valuable input that you can learn from, but you are going to intentionally tune into yourself, and that is the foundation upon which you will then engage others to learn and grow to collaborate. So step one, five minutes a day, ask yourself, what do I really need? Step two or option two. As you're facing a decision journal through that decision so you can listen to you, make sure your input is noted, and then do the rest of the collaboration in the building and the connecting. Option three, and I mean, do all of them. Option three is I want you to notice how your body reacts to choices. You're in a situation, you're making a decision. Does your chest feel tight? Does your body feel at ease? Do you feel a sense of lightness? Do you feel your energy rise or do you feel your energy drop? Do you physically feel resistance? I've talked in my program, I don't know if I've talked on this podcast before, um, but my skin will crawl and I mean it's super uncomfortable, but I know it now. I listen to my body now and I feel it, right? Your body so often knows the answer before your brain does and the two work together. I'm not saying it's either or. I love the mind. I love the body. They are your besties. But your body knows the answer. And so honoring yourself when I talk about this step that is treating your inner voice, treating that inner wisdom as trustworthy. And being intentional about connecting with it, even when it's quiet. Because the truth is, the more you listen, the louder it becomes. If you've been ignoring your inner wisdom for any length of time, that voice might be pretty quiet, right? So you gotta protect the space. You gotta drown out the other inputs, the other things that are coming at you, Get quiet. Listen to that inner wisdom. And then take it seriously, li actually listen, hear what it says, and then take action on what it says. The third thing you can do is to keep small promises to yourself, and I'm saying small with intention.'cause if you haven't been listening, if you are, self trust has, weakened over time. You don't wanna start with some big thing. You wanna start small. Nothing succeeds like a little success. A former boss of mine used to say. Broken self promises, and here I'm talking about you skip the workout, you set the boundary, and then you ignore the boundary that you set, We talked about that last week. When you ignore your needs, When you know you're tired and you keep pushing all of that, slowly chip away at your self trust. Not because any one of those individual promises was big or significant, but because the pattern becomes familiar, What I say to myself, doesn't matter. And I talked about that mind body connection. Your mind knows it, your body knows it. Your body feels it. Your body starts to feel unsafe, that it can't trust the thoughts through the mind or the commitments the mind makes. And so to reverse that pattern starts with small, manageable commitments that you can do consistently. And so I would invite you starting this week, but you gotta do it for more than a week. Choose one tiny promise that affirms your value, and maybe that is the five minute check-in. Maybe that is noticing intentionally how your body feels or journaling about a decision. It could also mean taking a lunch break without feeling guilt. No judgment, just curiosity and compassion. Maybe it means logging off when you said you would, if you'd set that boundary that you're done at five o'clock'cause you wanna spend time with your family, well that means that you don't go check an email at night. You wait until the morning. You just keep your promise. Now, you're not doing that to check a box. You're doing it to signal to yourself, I, trust me, I show up for me. And it's these small acts of integrity because that's what they are. That is an act of integrity when you show up for yourself, that rebuilds the foundation of self-trust. Number four. You are gonna learn to discern people pleasing is going away. It that you are no longer available for people pleasing my friend. So trusting yourself means learning to sort through input without being swallowed by it, So it's not that you, ignore everything that other people say. Again, it's not that you know better, that's arrogance. That is not what I'm talking about. What I'm saying is you discern when you weigh feedback. Without feeling erased by it. So you take the feedback, you evaluate it, but it doesn't just jump on top of and squish down your own perspective. You stay open to other people's perspectives without abandoning your own, you say no without spiraling into guilt. You make decisions from your values, not from fear or people pleasing When you trust yourself, you don't need consensus to move forward. You don't need everyone to be happy. You invite collaboration, but you lead from clarity. And then finally, step number five. And this might sound counterintuitive'cause some of the other things that we've talked about, but I'm gonna invite you to speak and act before you feel ready. And that's because confidence doesn't come from waiting until you're a hundred percent sure, right? Self-trust exists through uncertainty. Self-trust exists through a lack of confidence because confidence is a result of taking aligned action even if you're not ready, even when you are unsure. So many women, in particular men too, but this is a podcast for women. So many talented women delay their voice or their vision, their next move because they're waiting for the fear to subside because they don't feel ready yet. They're not a hundred percent confident. They're not sure. My shoulders just went up right in leadership. Action comes first. I mean, I'm gonna say not just in leadership, in life, action comes first, the clarity, the confidence, the growth, and the self-trust follow. So my friend, I will invite you to ask yourself, what decision or conversation have I been putting off because I don't feel ready. And then ask yourself the next question. What would it look like to move forward with faith, with belief in myself, even in the uncertainty? It's a big question, right? But every time you ask before you feel fully prepared, every time you act, before you're completely confident, you are reinforcing the belief that I can trust myself to lead through the unknown. This is where real self-trust is built, not in the planning, but in the practice. So what happens when you rebuild self-trust? When you learn to trust yourself, leadership begins to feel lighter. Not because it's easier, but because you're no longer at war with your own voice. You make decisions more quickly and confidently. You set boundaries with clarity and kindness. You lead without constantly questioning your worth, bounce back faster from criticism or setbacks. You stop hustling, constantly striving for external validation, and you start leading from internal alignment. And you also, this is part of the joy of this. You also create a ripple effect when you trust yourself. Others will trust you more easily. Why? Because your presence is steady, your vision is clearer, your leadership becomes more sustainable, not because you do more, but because you're rooted in your authentic self. It's the difference between performance and presence between burnout and joy, between a leadership approach that drains you. to a leadership approach that nourishes you. So start small. Choose one place this week to listen to yourself more deeply. Honor your needs, follow your wisdom. Maybe hold a boundary, maybe speak your truth. Every time you do that, you reclaim your voice and you reinforce the most essential leadership truth. You can trust yourself now. If you are ready to lead with more clarity, calm, and confidence, I would love to walk that walk with you. Frantic to flourishing is a 12 week experience designed to help high achieving women reconnect with their values, voice, and a vision, so you can lead with confidence and joy without burning out or portraying yourself. You don't have to keep hustling for your worth. You already have everything you need inside you. Let's build the leadership life that reflects it. Head on over to www.womenleadwell.net/flourishing to learn more. And if this episode spoke to you, I would love for you to share it with a friend who's running on empty. We need more women leading from alignment, not adrenaline. And don't forget to like and subscribe. Next week we're talking about how to find joy when it feels like you've lost it. You won't wanna miss that episode. You can also grab one of our free resources, like the Mental Load Reset, the Values Clarification exercise@womenleadwell.net, and there'll be linked in the show notes below. Remember, joyful, sustainable, and authentic leadership is possible and you deserve to enjoy every single minute of it. Until next time, I'm Becky Hamm and this is Joyfully Unstoppable. Okay.