16 Navigating the Messy Middle: How Women Leaders Can Keep Going When Progress Feels Far Away

The beginning of any big goal feels exciting—full of energy, vision, and optimism. The finish line carries its own reward and celebration. But what about the space in between? The “messy middle” is where momentum fades, progress feels invisible, and self-doubt creeps in.

In this episode of Joyfully Unstoppable, Becky Hamm, leadership coach and founder of Women Lead Well, unpacks why the middle of the journey feels so draining—and how you can keep moving forward with clarity, resilience, and confidence. You’ll learn:

⇨ Why feeling stuck in the middle is normal (and not a sign of failure)

⇨ How to reconnect with your “why” when motivation dips

⇨ The power of celebrating invisible progress and micro-wins

⇨ Why rest, support, and perspective are essential leadership tools

If you’ve ever wondered whether to quit because progress feels too slow, this conversation will remind you that the middle isn’t the end—it’s the refining ground where real growth happens.

Check out From Drain to Gain: Strategies for a Healthy Body Budget

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Transcript

0:06

Welcome to Joyfully Unstoppable, the podcast for women who are ready to lead boldly, live lightly, and reclaim their joy. Whether you're leading a team, a classroom, a boardroom, or your own big, beautiful life, I am so glad you found us. I am your host, Becky Ham leadership coach, speaker and founder of Women Lead Well. After years of high level leadership, I discovered that success doesn't have to come at the cost of your peace, your values, or your wellbeing. Each week, we'll explore what it means to lead with clarity, confidence, and authenticity. Even in a world that tells you to hustle harder and prove your worth, you carry a lot. Let's help it feel lighter. So friends, tell me if this resonates. You set a goal, you create the plan, you put in the work. At first, it felt exciting. There was energy, optimism, the thrill of getting started. But now, weeks, maybe months into the journey, you find yourself in a different place. The finish line is still too far to see clearly and the early momentum has faded. You are caught in what many leaders call the messy middle. It's that stage of progress that feels uncertain, exhausting. No matter how much effort you're putting in, you don't feel like you're moving forward. You begin to wonder if it's worth it, if you're even cut out for this, and maybe. Maybe you should just give it up altogether. If you feel stuck in the messy middle, my sweet friend, you are not alone. Every leader who has pursued a big goal, whether in their career, building a team, personal growth, everyone wrestles with this stage. It is an uncomfortable space. But it's also a formative one. And so today I want us to take a look at why we feel stuck in the middle of our journeys, what is actually happening beneath the surface, and how we can keep going with clarity, resilience. And confidence and friends. I'm not just talking to you with this episode. I am also very much talking to myself. I'm in my own messy middle moment with launching women Lead Well and with getting ready to put out Frantic to flourishing my 12 week online Burnout recovery program. It has been so much fun and so rewarding. But man, will I be happier when this phase of business development is in my rear view? So thanks. This is maybe therapy for me even more than it is for you. So thanks for coming along the ride. So why is this messy, middle, so stinking messy? Why can't we just go from start to middle to finish? With ease and consistency and a nice, smooth, easy to understand trajectory. Well, I talk about our brains a lot on this podcast I'm talking about again, one of the reasons the messy middle feels so hard is that our brains are wired to thrive on visible progress. And at the beginning of a new project, we experience the quick wins. This might be a new role, a fresh idea, burst of energy. All of it is sparking that newness energy at the end of a big project or a big initiative, a, a large sustained effort. We see the reward we get to launch the thing we're trying to launch. Maybe there's a promotion. There's some kind of a tangible outcome of our work. But it's that space between A and Z that hits different, right? Progress in the middle is incremental, and it often doesn't look like progress at all. There's research done by Theresa Amla and Steven Kramer. They're the authors of the progress principle, and they show that what motivates people most is the sense of making meaningful progress in their work. Even small wins count. And so when those wins aren't obvious, like when we're stuck in the middle of a project, our motivation plummets and it's even more for high achieving women because this plateau often feels like some kind of a personal failure because so much of our identity is tied to performance and results, the absence of visible progress can trigger doubts about our competence. We misinterpret the natural rhythm of growth as proof or as evidence that we're doing something wrong. When in reality, feeling stuck doesn't mean that nothing's happening. It often means that the work is shifting from those surface level early winds to deeper, slower transformation. It's like a seed beneath the soil growth is occurring even when we can't see it. And just like that seed beneath the soil, you gotta keep giving your work. Its equivalent of water and sunlight. If you wanna see anything grow and you gotta pull up any weeds that might choke out healthy growth. I'm sorry it's not easier, but it's just the way, right. We know it is. We just don't like it. So how do you know if you are stuck in the messy middle? Well, if you're me, it just smacks you over the head. I mean the, the science can be pretty straightforward, pretty obvious. You can feel drained from putting in effort without seeing the results. You can start questioning your direction and your abilities. Like anyone who struggles with imposter syndrome or anyone who's inner critic is particularly loud, right? They're gonna be screaming at you during this phase. You might start comparing yourself to others who seem to be moving faster or accomplishing more, and that only intensifies your frustration. Sometimes you even forget why you started in the first place. What's important to remember is that these signs do not mean that you're failing. They just don't. They are normal indicators of progress. At this middle stage, just like a runner who's in the middle miles of a marathon might question whether she's got the strength to continue, right? You hit that wall at like mile 1820. Leaders often question whether they can endure. But, and this is the key. Endurance is built in the middle, not at the start or at the finish. And so recognizing these feelings as part of the process that can help you respond with wisdom rather than panic. So how do you keep moving when you feel stuck? The messy middle is not a place to give up. I'm telling you it's not keep driving, but the messy middle does require a different set of strategies. And so here are five ways to shift your momentum. Number one. The first is to reconnect with your why. When you started this journey, you had a vision. It was something that mattered deeply to you. In the middle, that vision can get buried beneath the fatigue and the doubt. And so taking time to revisit your core values, remind yourself of your purpose, that can reignite your motivation. And you can do this through journaling, talking with a mentor, working with a, a coach, like an executive coach, or even revisiting the notes you wrote at the beginning, right? Look at those first documents that you created at the start of the project that can all help you remember why you began. And so when you feel stuck returning to your why, can bring clarity that cuts through the fog. Now the second strategy is to break down the next small step, the finish line. It might feel impossibly far away, but you don't have to cross it today, right? You don't have to do everything today instead. Focus on the next right step. progress compounds through micro actions. I will preach that every day, one email sent, one conversation started, one section of the project completed. Those small steps keep you moving forward. Even when the big picture can feel overwhelming. Third, you can track and celebrate the progress that isn't immediately visible. Too often we measure success only in those big milestones, but growth in the messy middle is often about skills, resilience and perspective. Maybe you've learned to handle feedback with more grace, or you're becoming more disciplined with your time. Keeping a progress journal can help you recognize and celebrate those invisible wins, that resilience, that growth that's occurring kind of below the surface. When you document what you've gained, you begin to see that progress has been happening. All along, you just maybe didn't give yourself credit for it, right? Well, friend, give yourself credit. The fourth strategy is to lean on your support system. When you feel stuck, it is easy to isolate and assume you've gotta figure it all out on your own. But mentors, peers, coaches often see the progress that you've missed. They can provide encouragement, a fresh perspective, accountability. Surrounding yourself with people who believe in you helps to break that spiral of self-doubt, right? You get that inner critic in the one ear, and then you've got your cheerleaders surrounding you to drown out that inner critic and, and not in a mean way, but just to correct the false assumptions or the misperceptions or the limiting beliefs that the inner critic often brings. And fifth and finally, practice resting strategically. No guilt around rest. I can't tell you the number of women who I coach who feel like rest is a reward, that they don't get to rest until they've reached that finish line. And friend, what I'm telling you is, no, ma'am, you rest today. Why? Because you perform better, well rested than strung out and tired. And because sometimes that stuck feeling is not about progress at all or a lack of progress. Sometimes that stuck feeling is about depletion your body and your mind might simply need rest. I've talked in a previous episode about body budget. I'll try to remember to link it in the show notes below, but it's a real thing. Rest is not a weakness. It is the foundation of sustainable leadership. And when you got a big juicy project that you were working to execute, you have got to take time to restore your energy. You need sustainable leadership. And when you move into that space, when you rest, you return to your work with fresh creativity and strength. That's what you need for the long haul. So friends, when you feel stuck. I get it again. I've been there. I'm a little bit there right now. Again, I'm talking to myself. I'm looking right in the camera. For those of you watching me on YouTube, I'm looking myself in the mirror and this is my pep talk to me. I know that when you feel stuck, it can be easy to lose perspective, and the frustration of the moment can eclipse the progress that you have made and the progress that you continue to make. But success is not built in a single day or on a single accomplishment. Success comes over time through persistence and reflection. The messy Middle teaches us to trust ourselves, to honor the process, to listen to our needs, right? To lean into rest, to lean into nurturing, to lean into connection as a means to success and growth. And this messy middle teaches us to embrace growth even when it doesn't look the way we expected. And remember the middle phase, those points between A and Z, that is not permanent. Eventually you will get beyond it. The key is to keep going one right step at a time, even when you can't yet see the finish line. And when you do see that finish line, you will look back and recognize that the messy middle was not a detour, it was not some, obstacle course, that it was an essential part of your transformation. The messy middle is a universal part of pursuing big goals, especially in leadership. It might be where motivation fades. It might be where progress feels invisible. It might be where doubts creep in, but it is also where endurance is built, where values are tested, and where authentic leadership is shaped. If you feel stuck right now, remember that you are further along than you think. Progress is happening beneath the surface. And the strategies you practice here reconnecting with your why, breaking things into smaller steps, celebrating the invisible progress, leaning on support and resting strategically will serve you far beyond this specific goal. So the next time you feel stuck in the messy middle, know that you have what it takes to keep going. This is not the end of your journey. It is the refining ground where real growth occurs. Take a breath, take the next step and trust that the work you're doing matters. And if you need some encouragement along the way, know that you don't have to walk through it alone. If you're navigating your own messy middle and craving a deeper, more sustainable way forward. Well then my friend, frantic to Flourishing was built for you. In this 12 week group experience, we will clarify what's next. Without abandoning what matters, we'll reconnect with our voice, our vision, our vitality. We'll build rhythms that support our highest contribution without burning out. It will step fully into the next evolution of leadership with courage and joy. I'll be kicking off the pilot in a few weeks. You can join the wait list@womenleadwell.net slash flourish. Now, if this episode spoke to you, I would love for you to share it with a friend who's running on empty. We need more women leading from alignment, not adrenaline. And don't forget to like and subscribe. It really does help a small podcast like mine. Next week we're talking about what to do when your fear of rejection holds you back. You won't wanna miss it if it would be helpful. You can also grab one of our free resources, like the Mental Load Reset, or the Values Clarification exercise@womenleadwell.net and LinkedIn, the show notes below. Remember. Joyful, sustainable and authentic leadership is possible, and you deserve to enjoy every minute of it. Until next time, I'm Becky Ham, and this is joyfully unstoppable.