19 Embracing the Spotlight: Practical Tips for Women Leaders

Feeling safe being seen as a leader isn’t always easy. For many women in leadership, visibility can feel risky—what if people criticize, misunderstand, or label you as “too much”? In this episode of Joyfully Unstoppable, we’ll explore why being visible feels so vulnerable, and how you can create safety, confidence, and joy as you step forward in your leadership.

You’ll discover:
 ✨ Why visibility often feels unsafe (and why it’s not your fault)
 ✨ How to reframe visibility from performance to alignment
 ✨ Practical practices to feel grounded and supported when you’re seen
 ✨ The role of authenticity in creating lasting confidence

Your voice matters. Your presence matters. And your leadership is needed. This episode will give you the tools and encouragement to show up authentically—without burning out or betraying yourself.

If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who needs the reminder that it’s safe to step into visibility.

#WomenInLeadership #AuthenticLeadership #LeadershipConfidence #JoyfullyUnstoppable #WomenLeadWell #LeadershipPodcast #ConfidenceForWomen #LeadWithJoy #EmpoweredWomen

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Transcript

0:05

Welcome to Joyfully Unstoppable, the podcast for women who are ready to lead boldly, live lightly and reclaim their joy. Whether you're leading a team, a classroom, a boardroom, or your own. Big, beautiful life. I am so glad you found us. I'm your host, Becky Ham leadership coach, speaker and founder of Women Lead Well. After years of high level leadership, I discovered that success doesn't have to come at the cost of your peace, your values, or your wellbeing. Each week, we'll explore what it means to lead joyfully, sustainably, and authentically, even in a world that tells you to hustle harder. And prove your worth. You carry a lot. Let's help it feel lighter. Have you ever had a moment when you knew you had something valuable to say, but you held back? Maybe you didn't wanna seem like you were bragging, or you worried you would sound foolish, or you just weren't sure if people were ready to hear what you had to say? If you've ever shrunk back like that, you are not alone. For so many women in leadership, visibility can feel complicated. On the one hand, you wanna show up with confidence to share your perspective and to lead boldly. But on the other hand, that thought of being seen, really seen can feel risky. What if people criticize you? What if they misunderstand you unintentionally or sometimes maybe intentionally. What if they decide that you're too much? I know that tension. I've lived it and I have worked with many women, too many women who've experienced it too, and so that's why today we are diving into something so foundational, how to feel safe. Being seen as a leader. Now, by the end of our time here today, my hope is that you'll not only understand why visibility feels hard, but also walk away with concrete practices and perspectives that can help you step forward with greater safety, confidence, and authenticity. Because here's the thing, your leadership is about you. But your leadership isn't just about you. When you allow yourself to be seen, when you show up fully with your values, your voice, and your vision, all three of them together in alignment, you create the space for others to do the same thing, right? It is so empowering, not just for you, but for everyone who sees you. So let's get into it. And I wanna start, let's start by naming the elephant in the room. Visibility often feels unsafe, and sometimes visibility is actually unsafe, right? And that's not because there's anything wrong with you. It's because of how our nervous system and our culture intersect now from a nervous system perspective. Your body is wired to keep you alive. I've said this in many episodes at this point, right? Your body's number one job keep you alive, keep you out of danger, and standing out from the group historically could mean danger, especially for women, right? So your nervous system is hardwired from birth to say, blend in, stay quiet. Don't draw attention. That's our survival instinct. There's no weakness in it. It is inherently to our benefit. It just hold us back in professional settings at times and culturally, many of us, but especially women, we've been conditioned to downplay our gifts. We have been told, don't take up too much space. Don't brag. Don't be bossy. Right? How many of us as kids got chastised for being bossy or being the bossy one, right? We were labeled. So when we step in as leaders or when our work, when our voices, when our faces are visible, those old messages bubble up. And I see this all the time in the women I coach. I had one client describe how she would stay silent in meetings. She even talked about like keeping her head down. Even when she knew her perspective was valuable, and it wasn't that she was doubting her knowledge, this was not imposter syndrome. She was simply afraid of the judgment that might come from standing out. She didn't want the negative feedback or the people pushing back against her, or the mansplaining or the infantalizing or all of that. That comes when women stand in their power. Another woman shared how she was afraid to post on LinkedIn that she knew she had to build her online presence and like she was a professional woman. This wasn't an Instagram thing, it was a LinkedIn thing, and she said that it felt like she was standing on a stage naked and it wasn't the content that scared her, like she knew what she wanted to say. What was holding her back was this fear of the attention she would be drawing if she posted about her experience online. She wasn't afraid of the post, she was afraid of the comments. Right? And we know that this is even more true in the context of intersectionality that a gay woman of color with a non-American accent might reasonably have a greater fear of being seen than a white cis woman who belongs to Daughters of the American Revolution. And while, I mean that is not universally the case, right? It's not always that you layer these different, um, aspects of our identity and that compounds into either a fear of being seen or not. It is important to remember that different women experience leadership and the perceived, and sometimes very real danger of standing out differently. And so I share that just to say that if you have ever felt that way, it is not a personal flaw. It is a very human response. And here's what I want you to know. Visibility feels risky because in some ways it is. People might criticize you, it doesn't matter your background. People are kind of mean right now, but probably always have been mean. But we're like more amplified able to share our meanness. So you could get criticized no matter what you say. People might misunderstand you. Again, they might unintentionally misunderstand you because they are reading you. They're hearing your message through the filters of their own experiences and any biases that they might have, and they might misunderstand you intentionally because they're not acting in good faith, right? You don't control either of those. It's got nothing to do with you. It's gotta do with them. People might hold you to impossible standards, right? All of that can happen when you show up. When you allow yourself to be seen, but there is the other side of that coin. People might also be inspired. They might be encouraged other people, particularly vulnerable populations who are afraid themselves of being seen. If you come from a similar population and you stand up and you speak, you are inspiring and encouraging others to see what is possible for them too. You change people. By your willingness to show up and be visible. So I'm not gonna pretend, I mean, you know, I'm an upbeat kind of girl. That's my, my, I'm wired to be upbeat and cheerful, but I am not gonna sit here and tell you that stepping into visibility, that standing in your power is risk-free. There are absolutely risks associated with it. What I do wanna do is acknowledge the fear. I wanna normalize that fear because it is common to the human experience and it can be layered so that different individuals feel it more acutely than others. And I also want us to talk about ways that we can create safety with what we can control. Like we're not gonna dismantle systemic structures today on a podcast, but talk concretely about what every woman can do within her control. To step forward strategically. And so I'm gonna invite you to take a moment here and just reflect when have you felt yourself holding back from speaking up or stepping forward? What was underneath that hesitation, your journal prompt for the day? You can reflect on this and I ask you to do that because naming it is the first step toward moving past it. Right. Once you, once you're aware of it, then you can deal with it. And so now that we've acknowledged some of the reasons why visibility can feel risky, let's talk about how we can reframe it, what we can do about it. Most of us think of visibility as like the spotlight, right? You're on stage, the lights are hot, the stage is up high, you don't wanna fall off. Everybody's watching, and this is the key element. They're waiting for you to perform. Right, that when you're seen it's a performance. I mean, no wonder that feels intimidating, but what I'm gonna suggest is that visibility speaking isn't about performance at all. I'm gonna suggest that it's about alignment, that when you step up and allow yourself to be seen as a leader, it is not about proving yourself, it's about showing up in a way that reflects your values. Your voice, your true, authentic voice and your vision. It's about letting who you are on the inside be visible on the outside. And I recently had, one of my clients, uh, had a big breakthrough around this, that she, um, always dreaded presenting to her executive team. Because she felt like she had to impress them, right? She saw it as a performance and they were gonna grade her or evaluate her performance. And understandably, that stressed her out. And so then we were able, through our conversations she reframed her role, not as a performer, you know, this dancing monkey who's like gonna perform under pressure, but as a partner, bringing clarity to the executive team. And when she framed it that way, she started to see that her job wasn't to be perfect, right? It wasn't to meet this standard of performance, but it was simply to share what mattered most to inform the team's to decisions. And just that one change took the fear out of the spotlight, and it replaced her fear with a sense of purpose. because she was briefing the executive team, but it wasn't actually about her. It was about empowering the team to make the decisions that they needed to make to move the organization forward. And she could do that. That didn't feel intimidating to her. And I'll share from my own experience, I'll share what worked for me. And it's ridiculous. It's, um, it was like. Very impactful for me, but I'm gonna say it and you're gonna be like, that's so silly. But I don't care. It works, right? It works. And so I'm gonna share it with you. I ain't gatekeeping. I have done a ton of public speaking in my career and I have attended a ton of meetings in my career and I would always get like just crippling anxiety before it was time to speak. And people didn't, I don't think people saw it from the outside. Everyone thought I was very confident and they, they always told me I did a great job, but it tore me up and I'm gonna go so far as to say, the fact that I pushed it down for as long as I did and I didn't actually deal with it. It just made that anxiety progressively worse over time. And what changed the game for me, and again, I mean, it might sound silly, but I had this moment of clarity one day. Where I said, you know what? I deserve to enjoy this. I deserve to enjoy this moment. I deserve to enjoy standing on a stage and talking to people. I deserve to enjoy sharing my decades of expertise with the people in this room. And I mean, I tell you, it really was life changing because one, I spent a lot of years, I spent decades worrying about. Other people's experiences more than my own. And so this, I deserve to enjoy this. Like that was such a good reminder that I matter too. And that means that I get to speak, I get to participate. I get to be a meaningful part of, because I enjoy, I deserve to enjoy it, but also too. It helped me shift from worrying about the outcome. Like, what's gonna happen as a result of my speaking? What's the feedback gonna be? Are they gonna push back? Like, what's gonna happen next? It shifted me from focusing on that to the experience of speaking itself, which gets to feel good. And so for you, I would say like, you're, you didn't invest in this podcast. You're not here at this point. Um, if you were lazy or if you weren't invested in your own growth. If you weren't capable, you are smart, you are accomplished. You get to feel good using your voice, and that's not for anybody else, right? I'm not saying you get to feel good using your voice to benefit others. I'm saying you deserve to enjoy using your voice. You deserve to enjoy being seen regardless of how that impacts anyone else. Period. You get to be seen because you deserve to enjoy that experience. And in addition, I'm gonna say, your visibility isn't just for you, right? It is right. It's for you to enjoy. And it also creates these ripple effects. Every time you let yourself be seen authentically as a woman in a leadership role, you create safety for someone else to do the same. And that's just the fact of it. There is someone else who's watching you who shall be inspired by you, not judge you. And that's the core of leadership, right? Building those who come behind us. So, okay, let's get practical. If visibility feels risky, how do you create safety? I am not hr and these are not like HR tips. And so this is, this is Becky kind of tips and we can layer on HR practices on top if anyone wants to, to reach out, I can do that with you individually, but here's how you can start to feel safe, how you can start to enjoy yourself being seen. First, always nervous system regulation. Ground yourself before a big meeting, before a presentation, before a tough conversation. You've gotta give feedback to a team member who's not maybe meeting standard. Pause and ground yourself. We do a lot of breathing on this podcast, and so that could mean a few minutes of box breathing. It could mean putting your feet firmly on the ground, right, and feeling the ground beneath you, supporting you. It could be reminding yourself of a phrase like, I am safe. I belong here, or another one that I love, I can be scared and safe at the same time, or the one I just shared, right? I deserve to enjoy this. I, when your body feels safe, it's easier for you to show up fully with your voice. So that's number one. Always ground. You always start by regulating your nervous system. Two boundaries. Remember, being visible doesn't mean sharing everything, right? You get to choose what's aligned with you. You get to choose what parts of you that you share. And so if a story feels too raw, you just hold back. You don't have to share it until you're ready, and that might mean never, right? Visibility is not vulnerability without limits visibility. It means authenticity within the boundaries you set because you deserve to enjoy the experience. Number three, micro steps. Something else, right? Every podcast episode we have this, you do not have to leap onto a huge stage tomorrow. You do not need to speak every three minutes in a meeting if you've been sitting silently for years, just. Start where you can start small. Share one thought in your next meeting. Post one short reflection online, and maybe be, maybe you start posting comments on other people's material. If it's too much for you to share your own post, right? Speak up in one conversation where you might normally stay quiet. Every time you do that, you build your confidence and you signal to your nervous system that you can show up and be safe. And so it's less scary the next time you do it. And so it's not big change that just freaks us out, right? Big change keeps us from making progress. It's those small, little tiny, seemingly insignificant steps that we take every day that add up to the significant change. That's the compound interest of tiny actions. So focus small. You really will get better progress. And now fourth. A support network. You wanna surround yourself with people who remind you how amazing and powerful you truly are. Maybe that's a trusted friend. Maybe it's a mentor, maybe it's a coach. Having people who cheer you on makes the risk of visibility feel less daunting. So if you've got a friend or an ally who might be in the same meeting that you're nervous about speaking in. You can talk with them ahead of time about your concerns. You can ask for their support to reinforce any points you make. Right? The beautiful, like Becky said, or that's right Becky, I'll just add blah, right? Have somebody that you know is in your corner who's gonna be there, who can boost you up, or maybe just serve as a friendly face in the audience if you're speaking on a stage. And so now I'm gonna challenge you pick one of these practices. And again, just one, right? You don't have to do everything. Big changes tend to fail more often than small changes. So what's the micro step that you can take this week to help yourself feel safer being seen? Write it down. Put it on that sticky, stick it on your laptop. Say it out loud. Make a quick plan for when and how you'll do it. Your progress builds with practice. And then I want you to DM me. Tell me the step you took so I can celebrate you. You can share it in the Women Lead Well community over on Facebook. I'll have the link to join that community in the show notes. And now here's the kind of the, as we wrap this up, maybe the, the bow that I wanna tie on this conversation, that your deepest sense of safety being seen, your deepest sense of peace with visibility. Comes when you lead from your authenticity, when you're trying to perform, when you're trying to prove yourself, when you're trying to please others, when you're letting other people's standards dictate to you, you're constantly on edge, right? You are. You're scanning for approval, you're watching for judgment. Bracing for impact maybe, but when you're rooted in your authentic self, when you lead from your joy with clarity from alignment. You don't perform, you just are. You just are you. And that doesn't mean it's always easy, but it does mean that you're no longer contorting yourself to fit in someone else's mold, right? You are standing in your own power. And that's where safety, that's where true safety is found inside yourself. So here's the question for you as we wrap this up. What part of your authentic self is asking to be more visible in your leadership right now? Maybe it's your creativity. Maybe it's your compassion. Maybe it's your boldness. Whatever it is, that part of you is not a liability. That part of you is a true gift. You have it for a reason to do good with it, and so when you let that part of you be seen. You not only strengthen your own leadership, which is itself a wonderful thing to do, you model for others what's possible. And so let's recap what we've talked about today. Visibility can feel risky, and that is totally normal. It's wired into our bodies. It's reinforced by culture, but you do not have to stay hidden by reframing visibility as alignment. Grounding yourself in practices that build safety and leading from your authentic self, you can step forward with more confidence and greater clarity. And remember this, when you are visible, you give others permission to show up to two. Your leadership matters. Your presence matters. And your voice, your unique voice matters. So this week I wanna encourage you to take that next step in visibility. If that's speaking up in a meeting, if it's posting a reflection online. If it is simply reminding yourself before a conversation, I am safe. I belong here, do it and then share it so we can all celebrate you. Now if this episode spoke to you, I would love for you to share it with a friend who's running on empty. We need more women leading from alignment, not adrenaline. And don't forget to like and subscribe next week. I am so excited. We have our very first guest on the podcast. I cannot wait to welcome Alyssa Zilo from Workwise Labs on the pod. You can also grab one of our free resources like the Mental Load Reset or the values clarification exercise@womenleadwell.net and LinkedIn, the show notes below. Remember, joyful, sustainable, and authentic leadership is possible. You deserve to enjoy every minute of it. Until next time, I'm Becky Ham and this is joyfully Unstoppable.